he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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