So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
