I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
