I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
