i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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