we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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