Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
