God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
