I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
