Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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