i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
