Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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