I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
