I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
