I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
