I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
