she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
