My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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