This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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