You work out of a Hotel?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
