I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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