New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
