Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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