I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
