i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
