i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
