1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
