I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
