Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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