Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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