Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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