well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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