Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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