He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
