just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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