No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize