Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
