I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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