I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
