need another drink. this is the easiest way
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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