Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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