my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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