when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
