You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize