I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
