Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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