Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize