I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
