Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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