Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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