i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
