can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
