I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
