Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
