ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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