Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
