He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
