He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize