Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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