my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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