ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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