mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize