I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
