I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize