i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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