Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont even know how to be here
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
