I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
