There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
