i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
