would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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