shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
