i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't EVER smell your tampon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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