just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dick very happy bro
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
